Not sure if anyone else has seen this, but I think it is fucking hilarious, so to bad. Sit back and enjoy.
I know the standard thing to say would be something like, "Don't quit your day job." But, in Dubbya's case I think it would actually be a good idea. And besides I find Bono's constant flashing of the "peace" hand signal while he wears those same stupid black goggle/sunglasses he's been wearing since "Achtung Baby," as annoying as Duddya's constant fucking up of...well, everything. And while we're at maybe we can get Cheney to play keyboards or something. To dare to dream.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Would you listen to this band?
I know that I would. R2-D2 rocking on the sysentsizer, Darth Vader on the monster Bass, Hans Solo'ing' on a Flying V...fuck yeah!!! They would definitely be some kind of 'space-prog rock.' What I really want to see is the VH1 "Behind the Music" special on these guys, or even a battle of the bands between them and Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica. I just hope George Lucas is no longer managing these guys. You know he would put together a reunion tour and it would suck dick.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Yesterday, All My Dreams Were So Far Away....
I was going through some boxes the other day when I found this photo of me and RD Hardcore back when we first meet in Middle School...
Ah yes, those were the salad days.
Ah yes, those were the salad days.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Breaking Down Racial Stereotypes: Part III
Think all black guys can dance? Well check this shit out...
Now, I know that this doesn't exactly prove that all black guys can't dance but it does prove that these particular black guys surely can not. And the reason is that the above is not dancing but dry humping ...an ottoman...and a mirror...and a door...and a lamp. I don't think I have seen anything this disturbing since that scene in "Fried Green Tomatoes," where a group of overweight, middle-aged white women look at their vagina's with a hand mirror. Gives me the shivers every time. Which leads me to wonder if this type of "dancing" will be the inspiration for another urban teen dance movie a la "You Got Served," and if so what would the title be? If anyone has any idea's please leave a comment. You just got served.
Now, I know that this doesn't exactly prove that all black guys can't dance but it does prove that these particular black guys surely can not. And the reason is that the above is not dancing but dry humping ...an ottoman...and a mirror...and a door...and a lamp. I don't think I have seen anything this disturbing since that scene in "Fried Green Tomatoes," where a group of overweight, middle-aged white women look at their vagina's with a hand mirror. Gives me the shivers every time. Which leads me to wonder if this type of "dancing" will be the inspiration for another urban teen dance movie a la "You Got Served," and if so what would the title be? If anyone has any idea's please leave a comment. You just got served.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Review of a Movie I Haven't Seen - Spiderman 3
That's right folks! I spent last weekend doing what no one else in America was doing, not watching Spiderman 3. And in not watching the movie, I wrote down a few little notes to share.
Spiderman 3 -- the Math
Now being a person with an above average mathematical brain, it is easy for me to find the see the mathematic symbolism behind Hollywood. In this movie, it breaks down to:
Spiderman
+
Spiderman 2
=
Spiderman 3
That is why NYC is overrun with three Spidermen in this movie. It is found that due to a little known fact of spider genetic mutations, when a spider is not able to sexually reproduce (or, MJ is being a prude, if you will) spiders will basically spout off clones of itself to keep the species alive. I say "basically" because the clones are never 100% the same as the original. (Remember Michael Keaton) That is why the 2 other Spidermen to come from Spiderman are different colors, one black, one blue. It is also shown that they have slightly different personalities. While the Black Spiderman adores a minuet, The Ballet Russes, and crepe suzette. The Blue Spiderman loves to rock'n'roll, and a hot dog makes him lose control. And the red, original, Spiderman keeps a happy medium between the two, thus making him the mediator of the many squabbles happening over the Spiderman family dinner table.
Spiderman 3 -- the Romance
AKA Geometric Shapes of Love
Sam Raimi, being the sly one he is, tries to conceal his use of geometric figures as valuable plot devices. Yes, it has been done many times prior, but never has it been hidden under the guise of Spidermen and a Goblin. That's where I come in. I am able to decipher that tangled web. Basically you have 5 main characters - Red Spiderman, Black Spiderman, Blue Spiderman, Goblin, and MJ. And depending where you put them on your diagram, you can get many different shapes as a result. But I believe I have the proper analysis: Red loves MJ, Goblin loves MJ, MJ has it for the mysterious Black, and Blue also loves Black. Black, like his pal Morrissey and other beautiful British boys prior, proclaims to be asexual. Now it should be becoming clear to you that this is a Love Rhombus. Yes, the black sheep of the parallelogram family! So many times rhombi have felt lonely in the quadrilateral world. Rhombi are shunned by the squares (technically all squares are rhombi,) who choose to buddy-up with rectangles, because of their 90-degree angles. Rhombi are usually exiled to hang out with the ugliest shapes ever - trapezoids. But so much mystery and intrigue can be captured by the rhombus, and its four equal sides. That is why Raimi chose the shape to represent romantic side of the film.
Spiderman 3 -- the Magic
The Magic. By that, I am not referring to the people with superhuman powers, but the magic of the storytelling genre of film. The days of the storyteller are long gone, but we still have glimmers of hope. I would call this, not a glimmer, but, a glare! Who would have thought that Red Spiderman would sink into a powerful bout of Multiple Personality Disorder, not knowing whether he was Red, Black, Blue, or MJ. The psychological implications went guano-crazy when the real Blue Spiderman killed MJ and himself. That's what a Love Rhombus can do to a guy! Blue kills MJ to keep her away from Black, and then finally himself due to unrequited love. True Shakespearean beauty! Red, with an already damaged psyche, falls deeper into psychosis when Blue kills MJ and himself. The question on every one's mind, if Red were to switch personalities into one of the dead people, what would happen? That is a question that will have to wait for Spiderman 4: Citizens on Patrol. Due to this film being set in a comic book universe, mental hospitals are usually occupied by defeated arch-villains and arch-villains yet to come. Which means that Red cannot be checked into one. This forces Black to effectively become Red's man- servant - once again using the stereotype of the asexual British butler. With that heap of magical storytelling, it doesn't hold a candle to the ending storyline of Goblin. How amazing was it!? How truly great was it!? How fucking beautiful was it when Goblin moved to Italy and started writing horror movie soundtracks?! That is motherfucking magical storytelling!
Overall, my rating is:
ALL THUMBS
Spiderman 3 -- the Math
Now being a person with an above average mathematical brain, it is easy for me to find the see the mathematic symbolism behind Hollywood. In this movie, it breaks down to:
Spiderman
+
Spiderman 2
=
Spiderman 3
That is why NYC is overrun with three Spidermen in this movie. It is found that due to a little known fact of spider genetic mutations, when a spider is not able to sexually reproduce (or, MJ is being a prude, if you will) spiders will basically spout off clones of itself to keep the species alive. I say "basically" because the clones are never 100% the same as the original. (Remember Michael Keaton) That is why the 2 other Spidermen to come from Spiderman are different colors, one black, one blue. It is also shown that they have slightly different personalities. While the Black Spiderman adores a minuet, The Ballet Russes, and crepe suzette. The Blue Spiderman loves to rock'n'roll, and a hot dog makes him lose control. And the red, original, Spiderman keeps a happy medium between the two, thus making him the mediator of the many squabbles happening over the Spiderman family dinner table.
Spiderman 3 -- the Romance
AKA Geometric Shapes of Love
Sam Raimi, being the sly one he is, tries to conceal his use of geometric figures as valuable plot devices. Yes, it has been done many times prior, but never has it been hidden under the guise of Spidermen and a Goblin. That's where I come in. I am able to decipher that tangled web. Basically you have 5 main characters - Red Spiderman, Black Spiderman, Blue Spiderman, Goblin, and MJ. And depending where you put them on your diagram, you can get many different shapes as a result. But I believe I have the proper analysis: Red loves MJ, Goblin loves MJ, MJ has it for the mysterious Black, and Blue also loves Black. Black, like his pal Morrissey and other beautiful British boys prior, proclaims to be asexual. Now it should be becoming clear to you that this is a Love Rhombus. Yes, the black sheep of the parallelogram family! So many times rhombi have felt lonely in the quadrilateral world. Rhombi are shunned by the squares (technically all squares are rhombi,) who choose to buddy-up with rectangles, because of their 90-degree angles. Rhombi are usually exiled to hang out with the ugliest shapes ever - trapezoids. But so much mystery and intrigue can be captured by the rhombus, and its four equal sides. That is why Raimi chose the shape to represent romantic side of the film.
Spiderman 3 -- the Magic
The Magic. By that, I am not referring to the people with superhuman powers, but the magic of the storytelling genre of film. The days of the storyteller are long gone, but we still have glimmers of hope. I would call this, not a glimmer, but, a glare! Who would have thought that Red Spiderman would sink into a powerful bout of Multiple Personality Disorder, not knowing whether he was Red, Black, Blue, or MJ. The psychological implications went guano-crazy when the real Blue Spiderman killed MJ and himself. That's what a Love Rhombus can do to a guy! Blue kills MJ to keep her away from Black, and then finally himself due to unrequited love. True Shakespearean beauty! Red, with an already damaged psyche, falls deeper into psychosis when Blue kills MJ and himself. The question on every one's mind, if Red were to switch personalities into one of the dead people, what would happen? That is a question that will have to wait for Spiderman 4: Citizens on Patrol. Due to this film being set in a comic book universe, mental hospitals are usually occupied by defeated arch-villains and arch-villains yet to come. Which means that Red cannot be checked into one. This forces Black to effectively become Red's man- servant - once again using the stereotype of the asexual British butler. With that heap of magical storytelling, it doesn't hold a candle to the ending storyline of Goblin. How amazing was it!? How truly great was it!? How fucking beautiful was it when Goblin moved to Italy and started writing horror movie soundtracks?! That is motherfucking magical storytelling!
Overall, my rating is:
ALL THUMBS
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Breaking Down Racial Stereotypes: Part II
Think Indian little people can't dance? And by Indian, I mean 'dot' not 'feather.' And by little people, I mean 'midget.' Then check this shit out...
The best part is the way this little guy talks like an Indian version of Alvin from the Chipmunks. Look at him smoke that little spliff in the end!!! Oh yeah, almost forgot...you just got served.
The best part is the way this little guy talks like an Indian version of Alvin from the Chipmunks. Look at him smoke that little spliff in the end!!! Oh yeah, almost forgot...you just got served.
Friday, May 4, 2007
An Open Letter to NBC 13 (with commentary)
Before I get to the letter, I should tell you, dear readers, of the actions taken by NBC 13 News that made them worthy of my scathing tounge lashes.
NBC 13 News aired a wonderful segment last night - "Does God Want You to Pay Taxes?" - in lieu of actual news, or even fake human interest news. The segment features "journalist" Mike Royer interviewing a scatterbrained employee of the UA School of Law. The lady, speaking like a bad evangelical preacher, rambled on about greed. Mike Royer responds with how much time and money he has given to his church and other charities. What this has to do with taxes, I don't know. Supposedly, this law person had been doing years of research on the subject (the details were never discussed.) She only quoted Genesis, and only spoke of greed. How does wanting to keep your earnings be considered greed? Royer did mention the famous Bible quote "Give unto God what is God's, Give unto Ceaser what is Ceaser's." He then followed up saying that his interviewee stated that the verse does not mean what most people think it means (i.e. God says paying taxes are okay.) But they never go into what that verse is supposed to mean. All in all, they never answered the question. They only touched on greed v. giving to the needy. But that is only a small part of what your taxes goto - lest we forget that are taxes are paying for roads, cops, oversea wars, etc.
Aside from all of that, the question is assinine! There is a seperation of church and state. It doesn't matter what the hell any God has to say about taxes. We live in a country where we are obligated by law to give a portion of our wages (provided you aren't as poor as I am) to the government - no matter what any imaginary being has to say about it.
Without further adieu, here is the letter that I sent to NBC 13.
Does God really want you to keep making stories like this?
This is regarding your "news" story "Does God want you to pay taxes?" I'd like to thank you for squandering a few minutes of valuable TV time set aside to inform the local people of things going on in the world. I especially like the way you cut short the story about new pet foods being recalled. Maybe next week my cats will fall dead.
But seriously, what did you think this would accomplish? There is a separation of church and state. We live in a country where we are obligated by law to pay taxes. So, it doesn't matter whether or not the Bible were to say anything about taxes.
Could you have found a more scatterbrained "expert" on the subject. For someone supposedly doing research on the topic of Alabama Taxes and the Bible, she just rambled on about greed. Wouldn't one think that if one had years of research on the subject, they would be able to quote more than a single verse in Genesis.
Not only did you not answer the question that nobody wanted answered, but you have helped central Alabamians remain ignorant of the world outside. That's right, keep us stupid and we might not realize that your program isn't news and isn't entertaining.
NBC 13 News aired a wonderful segment last night - "Does God Want You to Pay Taxes?" - in lieu of actual news, or even fake human interest news. The segment features "journalist" Mike Royer interviewing a scatterbrained employee of the UA School of Law. The lady, speaking like a bad evangelical preacher, rambled on about greed. Mike Royer responds with how much time and money he has given to his church and other charities. What this has to do with taxes, I don't know. Supposedly, this law person had been doing years of research on the subject (the details were never discussed.) She only quoted Genesis, and only spoke of greed. How does wanting to keep your earnings be considered greed? Royer did mention the famous Bible quote "Give unto God what is God's, Give unto Ceaser what is Ceaser's." He then followed up saying that his interviewee stated that the verse does not mean what most people think it means (i.e. God says paying taxes are okay.) But they never go into what that verse is supposed to mean. All in all, they never answered the question. They only touched on greed v. giving to the needy. But that is only a small part of what your taxes goto - lest we forget that are taxes are paying for roads, cops, oversea wars, etc.
Aside from all of that, the question is assinine! There is a seperation of church and state. It doesn't matter what the hell any God has to say about taxes. We live in a country where we are obligated by law to give a portion of our wages (provided you aren't as poor as I am) to the government - no matter what any imaginary being has to say about it.
Without further adieu, here is the letter that I sent to NBC 13.
Does God really want you to keep making stories like this?
This is regarding your "news" story "Does God want you to pay taxes?" I'd like to thank you for squandering a few minutes of valuable TV time set aside to inform the local people of things going on in the world. I especially like the way you cut short the story about new pet foods being recalled. Maybe next week my cats will fall dead.
But seriously, what did you think this would accomplish? There is a separation of church and state. We live in a country where we are obligated by law to pay taxes. So, it doesn't matter whether or not the Bible were to say anything about taxes.
Could you have found a more scatterbrained "expert" on the subject. For someone supposedly doing research on the topic of Alabama Taxes and the Bible, she just rambled on about greed. Wouldn't one think that if one had years of research on the subject, they would be able to quote more than a single verse in Genesis.
Not only did you not answer the question that nobody wanted answered, but you have helped central Alabamians remain ignorant of the world outside. That's right, keep us stupid and we might not realize that your program isn't news and isn't entertaining.
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