Monday, July 23, 2007

By Cook or By Crook

I love to say "I told you so."  So, I will now.  Dane Cook is a chode.  And I knew it all along.
(warning cross-promotional shameless plug ahead.)

http://www.hanklazard.com/podcast.html

Check Season 2, Episode 27.  The cast and crew of the Hank Lazard Show Podcast (of which I am a member) discuss whether or not Dane Cook is legally a chode.  The consensus is "Yes, he is."  Now as the news floods in about Dane Cook stealing jokes, I find my original statement even more true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ_710y4vR4

Now, here is a youtube "video."  I use the term video loosely, since it is audio accompanied by a slideshow of text, instead of actualy moving images.  But I digress, listen to the "video" it makes a decent case for Cook's chodeness... But that is not what captivated my eyeballs for more than 27 minutes.  It is the seas and seas of comments on the "video."  Legions of Cook fans come out of the woodworks (or electronworks as the case may be) to stand up for their favorite stand up comedian.  These glimmering golden turds are worth a read, but allow me to shine a light on a few of my favs:

"ok buddy keep bangin that dictionary"

"OMFG, you must have no fucking life to go through this shit and try to make people believe that dane stole some faggots jokes."

"2) i ve heard simular things many time
3) THEY ARE DIFFRENT maybe only slightly but sense he changed them there diffrenet"

"i think ur a faggot"

"OMG that shit aint even fuckin close to DANE COOK...this LOUIS CK dude SUCKS ASS....DANE is the BEST...EVEN if he DID JOCK this dude...DANE TELL'S JOKES WAYYYYYYY BETTER"

It gets better.

But all of this made me ponder... and wonder... and thinkify... and brainilate... and mindmind... and brainmindmind... and brainmindmindmind.  Then it hit me!

There is a supersecret special brain control device, or maybe some sort of occult magic (or magick) spell that is used to turn the masses into the igonrant masses.  So many people become mindless (and mindmindless) and take this castor oil of comedy?  It reminds me of another time in history... but it wasn't comedy, it was nazism.

Look at these similarities:




The two charismatics use the same arm motions while loads of people hang on their every word.




The followers of each like to shave their heads and adorn themselves with the logo of their master.

This is all pretty scary, right?  Be afraid of Dane Cook fans.  Soon they will be forming prison gangs and end up torturing their victims with verbatim recounting of the bootleg Cook Live in Branson bootleg CD they bought off of a street vendor in Niagra Falls for 30 Canadian Dollars.

***
Interesting side story here.  I was Google Image searching for fans of Dane Cook and then searching seperately for neo-nazi's.  Both searches turned up the same picture of John Lennon laying naked with Yoko Ono.  What does John Lennon and Yoko Ono have to do with Nazism and Dane Cook?  I will let you, Dear Readers, to research that yourself, and tell me.  I am too busy jerking off to internet porn to do research.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Reaffirming Social Stereotypes

New Feature for Bad Guy Reaction!!! Yeah!!! Hell, a new post at that!!! Yeah!!! Hopefully, some of you still read this blog even though there has not been too much posting lately. To which I apologize. I have been unemployed and busy living off the government dole by playing video games and growing my beard out. Anyway, on to the subject at hand. If you ever had any doubts that jocks (especially of the Caucasian sort) are complete douches then you should check this out...



My god, it is so painful to watch...yet, like a retarded child, I cant seem to look away. Anyway, this heaping pile of nu-metal shit is brought to you courtesy of the Eastside Catholic High School Crusaders. Apparently, No one can hit, run, or get hair highlights quite like the Crusaders. Although, I will agree with the metro sexual message of there creed (more implied) I would have to disagree with the other assumptions made about there football prowess. Obviously, they are a little to young to remember this...



Thats correct folks thats the boys from this smash 80s hit...



Anyway, I would love to see the Crusaders play the Wildcats. I can only imagine it would go a little something like this...



I know, I know, it doesn't make that much sense. I wanted to post the Football scene from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" where Forest Whitaker unleashes hell on Lincoln High, but it wasn't on YouTube. Instead I went for slow mo footage of vicious pee-wee football hits, which are FUCKING AWESOME!!! Cheers.